FF7 vs FF8
by Pyo
Summary: Sorrythis isn't my best writing but it's ok for a laugh i guess. Anyways if you ever wondered what it would be like to have both FF7 and FF8 characters going to the same school, this is how i imagined it.


None of these characters belong to me, they all belong to the square-enix company.  
  
By: Pyo  
  
Cloud's face was stricken in horror. He tried to choke out the words 'run' to Selphie, but his mouth wouldn't move. He just stood there, pale faced and wide-eyed. "What is it?" Selphie finally asked. Cloud pointed to something behind her. Selphie slowly turned her head, afraid to see what Cloud was so frightened about. There standing in front of them was Squall in a dress. Selphie covered her eyes. "Eeeeeww! Squall take it off!" Selphie said as she giggled in a high pitched tone.  
  
"Hey! It wasn't my frigen choice to wear this thing! I was ambushed" Squall yelled as his face turned bright red. Cloud whistled. "Shut up!" Squall said angrily, whacking Cloud over the head.  
  
"I was just joking around!" Cloud yelled back at him, rubbing his head.  
  
"Oh yeah! You want to see joking around!" Squall said as he grabbed hold of Cloud's arm.  
  
"Whoa! What are you doing Squall?!" Cloud yelled over the sound of Selphie laughing her ass off. Squall didn't answer, he just kept on dragging Cloud. "Let me go man!" Cloud squealed in a high pitched frightened voice. Squall pretended not to hear him and dragged him into Aerith and Rinoa's dormitory. Clouds eyes widened. "Noooooooo!!! Anything but here!" Cloud screamed, trying desperately to hang onto the door. Selphie, who had been following them, giggled as she walked past the squealing Cloud over to the makeup room. Squall picked cloud up and handed him to the girls.  
  
"Awww...Cloud your going to look so pretty when we are done with you!" Rinoa said, twisting open the cap to a lipstick. The last thing that Cloud saw for two hours was the giggling face of girls, and makeup. Lots and lots of makeup.  
  
~ 2 hours later ~  
  
Cloud backed up against the wall, quietly shuffling his feet. He looked around the corner, making sure nobody was there. "Phew, coasts clear!" Cloud whispered under his breath as he picked up his skirt, rushing down the hallway. He ducked and dodged from the classroom windows, not wanting to be seen in this ridiculous outfit! "Damn them." Cloud muttered as he ducked into a corner, hiding from the passerby.  
  
'Sniff' "Their all asses!" 'Sniffle' whimpered a familiar voice.  
  
"Tifa?" Cloud said stepping into the open, totally forgetting about what he was wearing.  
  
"Huh? Who are you?!" Tifa said looking the stranger up and down. Cloud blushed, realizing he was still looking like a girl.  
  
"Uhhh...errrrr...my names Cl- Claudia. Ya that's it! My names Claudia!" Cloud said with a look of triumph on his face.  
  
"Well Claudia...how do you know my name?!" Tifa said suspiciously narrowing her eyes. Cloud or 'Claudia' gulped.  
  
"Uhh...well you see Aerith is a very good friend of mine and she's told me a lot about you!" Cloud said starting to sweat. Tears started to stream down Tifa's face again.  
  
"Don't even mention that beotch!" Tifa yelled in a flurry of anger and depression. Cloud pulled a tissue out of his stuffed bra.  
  
"There there, now don't cry!" Cloud said in a comforting voice as he handed Tifa the tissue.  
  
"Thanks..." Tifa mumbled as she blew her nose.  
  
"Now tell me what happened." Cloud said in the high pitched voice, with a big smile on his face.  
  
~ So Tifa tells her tale ~  
  
"And that's how Aerith embarrassed me in front of the whole class!" Tifa sniffled through a waterfall of tears. Cloud shook his head.  
  
"Girls..." He mumbled. Tifa looked up.  
  
"What was that?" Tifa said with a look of suspicion.  
  
"Oh nothing! It was nothing at all..." He replied looking at his feet.  
  
Irvine happily tap-danced down the gardens corridors, singing to himself "I'm a cowboy, and I like dancing, oh my do da day!" Over and over to himself. It was getting quite annoying to the passerby's.  
  
"Shut the hell up Irvine!" Seifer yelled, shoving past Irvine. Irvine just smiled and tipped his hat. Seifer growled and turned away. Irvine grinned and proceeded in tap dancing and singing. "He swung his gun from shoulder the shoulder! Oh my do da day!" He sung tipping his hat to a group of giggling girls. The girls let out an awfully high pitched giggle and went back to swapping gossip. Irvine's grin went from ear to ear as he eyed one of his major crushes. This was the perfect chance for him to make his move. He ran his hand through his hair and checked his breath for freshness.  
  
"All right this is perfect!" He thought. He calmly walked up to the blonde haired, tall, instructor. Quists. "Hey Quisty!" Irvine said in a low sexy voice. Quists turned around.  
  
"Oh hello Irvine" Quists said turning around again. Irvine tapped on her shoulder getting frustrated. "Yes?!" Quists said in an agitated tone. Irvine shuffled his feet. He searched his mind for pick up lines... but he had used them all on her. "Well?!" Quists said in an upraised tone, tapping her foot. Irvine's face turned red.  
  
"WellIwasjustwonderingifyouwouldgotothedancewithme?!" Irvine said very fast, as words poured from his mouth left and right.  
  
"What the hell? I can't understand a word your saying Irvine, we'll have to talk about this later!" With that Quists turned on her heels and walked away. Irvine's face was beat red. He stood there in the middle of the crowd that had gathered.  
  
"He he ha ha" viewers snickered as he pushed past them. "Someone call the fire department because he just got burned!" Someone yelled. "Mitch shut up! That was really stupid!" Someone else yelled. Irvine fumed as he walked out of sight.  
  
Selphie hurriedly power walked through the hallways to her next class. "Oh no oh no!" "I'm going to be late!" Selphie told herself as she pushed past a crowd of groupies. "Move damnit!" She yelled at them. A few of the groupies turned around and gave her an evil glare but she paid no attention to it. Selphie rounded the corner and bumped into someone. "Oh! Sorry...hey wait Cloud it's you!" Selphie said starting to giggle. "Almost didn't recognize you in those clothes!"  
  
"Shhh! Don't address me as Cloud!" He said looking behind him to make sure no one was listening in. "My name is now Claudia!" At this Selphie started to laugh so hard that she fell to her knees. Clo...err umm... I mean Claudia's eyes slanted.  
  
"Shut up! You might attract attention!" Claudia said flailing his arms around. Selphie started laughing even harder.  
  
"I'm sorry I'm sorry!" Selphie said getting up as she wiped the tears from her eyes. "So why haven't you changed back yet?" She asked still suppressing her laughter.  
  
"I haven't been able to get back to my dorm yet!" Cloud said matter- of-factly. Selphie stared at him suspiciously.  
  
"Ya, sure." She said as she glared at him even more.  
  
"I'm telling the truth!!!" Cloud said waving his arms around.  
  
"Geez Cloud, I was just kidding! No reason to get all hot and bothered."  
  
"I knew that." Cloud said adjusting his fake breasts.  
  
*Orchestra starts to play "one winged angel" in the background very loud*  
  
A large tall figure that we all know to well as Final Fantasy's most infamous villain, tromped down the hallway, headed towards the men's dorms. "VINCENT I'LL KILL YOU!" Sephiroth yelled out as he approached Vincent and Squalls dormitory. Sephiroth unsheathed his sword and cut their dorm door in two. "DIE YOU INSOLENT BASTARD!" He yelled out as he stepped into there room. Sephiroth stopped in his tracks. A sweat drop appeared on the side of Sephiroth's head as he found his classmates to be high.  
  
"Hey dude, pass that doobie over here." Vincent said to Squall with his eyes half open. Squall took one more puff and passed it over to Vincent.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO DOING?" Sephiroth yelled at the two of them. They both turned their heads toward him.  
  
"Yo dude! What brings you to these parts?" Vincent asked through a storm of hacking his brains out.  
  
"YOU KNOW WHAT I'M HERE FOR!" Boomed Sephiroth. There was a long pause.  
  
"You wanna smoke?" Squall finally asked. Sephiroth's eyes started to twitch.  
  
"NO I DON'T WANT A SMOKE! I WANT TO KILL YOU!" Sephiroth said turning around as he started a long speech about how they had ruined his favorite Michael Jackson album.  
  
~20 Minutes later~  
"And that's why I'm going to kill you two insolent fools!" Sephiroth said turning around ... only to find that the two where goofing off again.  
  
"Did...Did you two just hear anything I said?"  
  
"Well all I heard was ' I love, Michael Jackson, insolent fools." Vincent said, examining his fake breasts. Sephiroth stared in pure horror. Finally Squall did something so scary... something that I won't even mention, that Sephiroth screamed like a little girl and ran out of the room.  
  
"What's his problem?" Squall said pouring himself a drink as he plopped back down on the couch.  
"Mmmm... Cloud....oh yeah....right there, perfect....mmmm" Aerith slowly moaned in her sleep. "Oh Cloud, your such a beast! 'giggle giggle' we should do this more often!" Aerith said starting to glomp her pillow. Aerith's roommate, Tifa watched from across the room. She was laughing so hard that she almost peed her pants.  
  
"Oh my god! She's like making out with her pillow!" Tifa squealed through hyperactive giggle fits. She quickly reached across her bed to grab her inhaler. She tried to inhale while she was laughing but it was no use. The inhaler just fell out of her mouth. Tifa fainted from a lack of air and her mouth started to foam all over her bed.  
  
'Knock knock' "Hey hi hey hi!" It's time to get going or else we'll be late for breakfast!" Selphie said bursting through the door. Selphie stopped in her tracks as she found Aerith humping her pillow and Tifa with her mouth foaming half dead. Millions of sweat drops appeared on Selphie's head. "Umm...I think I'll just head off to breakfast by myself while you two... *ahem* get ready." She said stepping back out the door.  
  
~ Later at Breakfast ~  
  
"Oh craaaapp! How the hell am I going to pass those end of the year exams if I don't even know what the hell there about!" Cloud said worriedly, banging his head on the table.  
  
"Well I told you that if you weren't prepared for this test than to bad for you!!!" Quists said in a sing song voice. "I know that this A student over here will get a perfect score on these tests!" Quists said patting her favorite student Selphie over the head.  
  
"Yippie!" Selphie squealed as she made a big smile.  
  
"Oh dear Cloud! I'll help you study for these stressing exams." Aerith said, inching closer to Cloud.  
  
"You'll help him study all right!" Tifa said taking a puff of her inhaler."  
  
"What was that?!" Aerith said giving Tifa an evil glare.  
  
"Huh I didn't say anything." Tifa said taking a bite out of her hotdog.  
  
"Well if these teachers try to hold me back then they'll be the next on my death list!" Sephiroth said with an evil grin as he chopped his hotdog up with his sword. "And Squall! Just because you guys scared me away with your horrifying actions doesn't mean I'm done dealing with you!  
  
"Huh?" Squall said lifting his head up from the table. His eyes appeared all red and blood shot. Apparently he was having a hangover. A sweat drop appeared on Sephiroth's head.  
  
"Hey by the way Squall, where's Vincent?" Selphie asked as the background around her changed to hearts.  
  
"Umm... I think he's still crashing in our room..." Squall said popping some Tylenol.  
  
"Oh..." Selphie said with a disappointed look on her face. Irvine was shot by a pang of jealousy.  
  
"Selphie remember you always have me!" Irvine said reaching out to put his arm around her. Selphie quickly scooted away.  
  
"Um... no thanks..." Selphie said finishing her first hot dog.  
  
"Ooooo!!! Denied!" Mitch said from the background.  
  
"Mitch stop taking lines from commercials you watch!" Someone else shouted from the background.  
  
"Well we can all be sure of one thing... Selphie's going to be the only one who passes fair and square." Quists said patting Selphie on the head again.  
  
And Quists was right  
After Graduation Cloud: Gave up on trying to pass the exams after the fifth time. He returned to his true nature and joined his parents group of tree hugging hippies. His named changed back to what it first was, Wind Blow. He later on married a girl named Clover Grass.  
  
Vincent and Squall: Dropped out of the academy before they even had a chance to take the exams. Later on became the extras in the movie Cheech and Chong.  
  
Selphie: Passed the exams with flying colors. Became an elite general in the war. But then later on died during the battle with the hippies.  
  
Quists: Confessed her love for Squall and joined him and his friends for a night of pot smoking. They where busted by the cops but everyone escaped besides Quists. She is in Jail to this day.  
  
Sephiroth: Was taken away to a mental asylum during the exams because the stress weighed down on him too much and he started to chop people up.  
  
Tifa: Joined a women's rights group where she learned how to be respectful to herself. Has marched in many support the lesbians parades and has also earned the rank of the top geek in the hair spray girls eyes.  
  
Aerith: Only passed her exams because she gave a few lap dances to her instructors. Currently is working at a downtown stripper club. Has just been signed an offer to be a pin up girl for playboy. 


End file.
